I’ve read somewhere that when people see themselves in the mirror, they see a 5x prettier version of themselves, and I went like ‘oh craap ‘

But the above fact never bothered to me, it shouldn’t, it has no reason to. My every encounter with a mirror was a just a mere passing glance, or due to the necessity for the occasional art work of my face known as make up. But I have never really stopped to look, to see, to really see and notice the traces, the shadows of changes and life it has left on me.Time and tide and tears and truth that has eroded my skin and soul over this life time…until today.

I stopped today and looked, really looked. I saw the little flaws, I saw my fav parts, ones I used to be fond of, I realized that my eyebrows weren’t done right this time around, that I have gained weight, that my lips are still the same and I still like them very much. But I also stared into my own eyes, and let it speak to each other like my thoughts speak to me so often. And I wanted time to stand, hold still, to not bring any more changes, not to my face, not to my relationships, not to my life and my perspective of it. I’m such an optimist, a positive energy barrel.Belief that the warmth of your soul and aura can melt away any ice if you just want it to, if you just let it.  I wanted time to stop eroding away bits and chips and milestones so quickly away from my journey, I feel like I’ve just started , this is the beginning right? Right?

Maybe it’s a quarter life crisis (if there is such a thing) or maybe I should stop and confront myself more. And not keep locking away everything all the time for tomorrow, what if tomorrow has come and gone and I never realized because I was too busy with mundane things of today, I keep myself busy, distracted, happy, surrounded, cheerful, and it works brilliantly. It does, and I am truly truly blessed for the company that I do have. The company that I chose and they chose me in return. Whole heartedly…or so I believe, hope for it to be.

I want to take a moment, a breathe, hit the pause button for 30 seconds. So I can stop, so I can stop turning with the tide, churning in the changes. Let it all sink in, weigh in, drown me if it must…so I can drown and come up for a gasp of fresh air, a gulp of relief , a fresh start for 30 seconds. A momentary clean slate. No scars, no sighs, no dusty dark corner in my soul’s epitaph.

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